WHEN: 13th solar flare, goes util some starts a fist fight
WHERE: Annie’s oil drum
WHAT: Compare mutations.
Is the fact your hair turned into strings of curly metal the coolest? [IT SURE IS]
Think you’re a real hot shot for having that extra toe sticking out of your elbow? [YOU BET]
Are your scales flashier then all the rest of the half-fish mutated people out there? [SHOW IT OFF]
Annie is a Graft member with a documented kill count of twenty-eight people per month. What a cool gal. She’s even fashioned little aviator sunglasses for all her sets of eyes over her body. You’ll never know which set is looking at you. I presume she’s set up this Community event because she thinks it’s a competition she’s already won, but it’ll still be fun to go out for some lighthearted judgment as you, your neighbours, friends and enemies all critique each other’s entire bodies!
This will be a Graft heavy event, as the only way to enter the cult it to look as far from that one Sears advertisement of a modern man; with their bodies all soaked in radioactive sewer residue, they have enough insane mutations for all of us.
The pink scales I’ve got covering up half of my face may pale in comparison tomorrow, but it’s still heartening to remember none of us would be acceptable humans if the apocalypse hadn’t ensued.
FLAUNT IT IF YOU”VE GOT IT
WHEN: Fifth solar flare
WHERE: That really weirdly shaped rock – you know the one
WHAT: Dinner or Death?
Will those dandelions flashing like neon yellow strobe lights melt your eyeballs or taste fantastic on a light summer salad? Does that tree bark just appear to be infused with uranium or shall it turn out to make a great late night snack?
If these are the kinds of questions that keep you up at night as you chew the marrow out of a rat bone, this is an event for you!
Join Sandra as she wins the ‘Greater Good’ award, snatching up vegetation to test if it’s edible for the rest of us.
Sandra is an esteemed member of the Crafter Cult, who allegedly lived with a PHD in horticulture before the apocalypse, endlessly hindered by the formality of science protocol from eating the plants in her lab, which was always her one true desire.
9-57pm - 2018-03-26, 11.31 PM
This s a final composition to encompass everything this brand represents; something people can enjoy while also being a little confused.
When your world is on fire, your mixtape should match!
Here are a couple tracks I jam to as I scramble over crumbling freeways to chill with my cult pals, internally panicked over the prospect that some semblance of order might one day return to the universe.
We’ve all been there, you know, thinking you’re the last person left alive on the planet.
My self-esteem sure took a hit when I stumbled out of the wastelands and onto the city of Sporyn. So maybe the revelation that you’re not alone anymore has been a hard drop for you, especially if you were really riding the high of being Earth’s lone survivor. Trust me, that euphoric wasteland confidence can still be acquired through other means.
Try joining a cult!
Fostering a sense of community is still important in our civilizationless universe, apparently, and picking the right cult is paramount to enjoying your time till the Earth is finally sucked into the sun. I’ve compiled a pro and con list for the most prominent cults in my neighborhood – hope it helps
- Nihilists : Easy to live if you don’t care how you die!
Relaxed anarchists. Terrible cooks. Nomadic scavengers of the city.
Pro: Best bands and craziest parties
Con: Worst commitment issues
Pro: Everyone shares anything they can afford
Con: Strictest dress codes
Pro: Fewest membership rules: Unlike some pretentious cults, the Nihilists are known for taking in anyone regardless of limb count, life expectancy, what percent of your body is metal, how often you talk about Game of Thrones unprompted, or age. As long as you uphold our nonchalant, secretly afraid of change attitude, you’re welcome in
Con: Most likely to abduct people in the name of having a good time
Pro: No real leader, so there’s no one bossing you around
- Crafter’s : Cult comforts
Soccer moms of the apocalypse. Hipster cafes sell body parts.
Pro: Filled with innovative inventors, scrapbooker’s, and small business owners
Con: Immensely judgmental of other’s outside their cult, will impose any opinion they have on any subject as the final word
Pro: Mostly likely to fabricate a new economy
Con: Most likely to fabricate a new economy
Pro: Tight-knit community, although everyone has to live in the exact same area, and everyone has to stitch the cult sigil into their skin
Con: If you ask one of them on a date and they reject you, you must immediately fight to the death
Pro: Will teach children trade skills
- Grafts : Till there’s no humanity left
Bionic jerks. Cunning schemers. Fanboys of immortality.
Pro: Easily the most organized regime; strictest hierarchy and enforced chain of command
Con: Let’s be honest, pretty much everything about their personalities is a turn-off- a relationship with a can opener would be more emotionally fulfilling
They blame humans for the destruction of the planet (fair enough) and their glorious solution is surgically altering their bodies to become as un-human as possible; ripping off limbs to replace them with machinery, drinking tap water in hopes it’ll mutate their bodies and allow them to become immortal
Unfortunatly, they frequently get violent with the rest of us for not joining their cult of metal machoism, and have recently declared themselves city police – Sporyn’s finest
Pro: The world could re-end before they get anymore superior ideas
There are other groups populating this polluted city; The Accountants, the Admin of Tree’s and so forth. You’ll run into them all soon enough.
I like things how they are, maybe you’ll learn to like it too.