Monthly Archives: April 2018

My Transmedia Strategy | Week 10

Before knowing the “transmedia”, I was already critically aware of the importance of having not just a cohesive online brand, but one that cross-promoted itself. Before starting (and still now), Instagram was my primary social media platform. I had always promoted my Soundcloud using the business website function and by posting previews of songs, however, now the connection is deeper. My Instagram and Snapchats focus primarily on “story” function engagement with polls, event promotions, and exclusive media.

My Facebook and Twitter are both quite neglected, being automated to post content whenever I upload to Youtube and Soundcloud. I’ve heard from colleagues that Facebook has a much stronger ROI on advertisements than Instagram (which I recently tried) so I’ll be investing more into that platform soon. As of now, neither one has exclusive content.

Soundcloud has shifted to have only my best musical content. From originals to bootlegs to remixes, Soundcloud houses all the tracks that make it Spotify and ones that can’t clear copyright but are still strong releases. It also includes links to all my other social media platforms.

Youtube is the king of my content strategy. It’s home to weekly vlogs, 30-80 minute mixes, exclusive mashups, and much more. As you can see, remains a focal point being included in my banner.

The final service I’ll mention is ArtistUnion, a download-gate service that exchanges downloads of your music for specified actions. In my case, I require my audience follows my Soundcloud and like and reposts the song they wish to download.

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Insights from my Google Analytics | Week 9

Let’s start off with my User Overview. We will look at my data since the website’s inception in January, including February 20 – March 10th whose data was lost due to a tracking code issue. My traffic is relatively low and consistent. According to 21 Handshake, my type of site has an average bounce rate of 70-90%. Compared to this benchmark, my bounce rate is very good at 38.44%, however, my low amount of users makes most of my analytics insubstantial. The biggest thing I’ve taken from this section is to remove my Youtube videos from my site as session durations are too short for them to be relevant.

Next up: some technology-related data. Most of my users are in the Apple ecosystem and use Google Chrome like myself. Not much to say here other than I may consider implementing an Apple Music widget as well, seeing as my music is hosted there as well as Spotify.

Now for geography. The website follows my Instagram and Soundcloud analytics in that I am predominantly popular in the United States and Canada. Interestingly, the website maintains my popularity from Spotify which is concentrated in Latin America, especially Chile and Brazil. This is most likely due to name confusion with Latin artist Alex Rose (the reason my name is spelt “alex rose”).

How about discovery? Well, there’s a pretty even split between Direct, Social, and Referral here. Most of my social traffic comes from Instagram (my primary social media for engaging my audience) and I’ve also seen a lot of traffic from my peers’ websites referring users to me. I should continue focusing on my Instagram as a traffic source and expand my collaboration to ensure more referrals. Finally, I plan to improve my SEO to see my organic search improve.

 Finally, pageviews broke down by page. No surprise that my homepage would have the most traffic. It’s also comforting to see that my shows page, where my audience can purchase tickets and RSVP to events, is second most popular. Shows are a growing form of revenue for me so this is a welcome insight. Unfortunately, my blog doesn’t appear to get much attention. Most of my blog content can be found directly on my Youtube, but moving forward I plan to have exclusive blog content focused on SEO friendly tutorial content.

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Mal-Kum the Dangerous Weirdo

It’s Sunday and y’all know the deal. Another customer exposé, hot off the presses, here for you.

You might want to strap in and buckle up for this one.

Bob from Bob's Burgers saying "buckle it up" as he buckles his seat belt in the car.

An Introduction:

Now, Mal-Kum has been a customer at my store for as long as I have been working there. (He’s probably been a regular for longer, but who really knows?) He’s a multi-visit kind of guy – he comes at least twice a day, every day – once in the morning and once in the evening. He also sits in most of the time. His visits can span between five minutes and eight hours.

When I first started, I thought Mal-Kum was an alright guy. Awkward, yes, but I thought that might have been my fault. I’m awkward as frick and still have trouble with small-talk these days. But over the last few weeks, I have realized that Mal-Kum is weird, pompous, and may, possibly, be dangerous.

Mal-Kum orders, without fail, a medium chai latte and a slice of banana bread in the mornings, followed by multiple chai lattes at night. When I say multiple, I mean more than three. This guy once bought five chai lattes in one sitting. And before you ask, no, he did not finish them. He often drinks things until they are half full, and then orders another because it is no longer at optimal drinking temperature.

You know what he said when I asked him why he bought so many?

“When money is no object, you can just spend as much as you want.”

Alright, Mr. Rich Guy.  Most of us don’t have that privilege, but GoOd FoR yOu.

*cue intense eye roll*

Mal-Kum has also been caught trying to recruit some of my male coworkers for the armed forces. I don’t know why he does it, considering he works as a security guard, but given that most of the male baristas at my store are pacifists and relatively peaceful guys, it doesn’t make sense for him to do so.

See? Weird.

The First Signs of Trouble:

Mal-Kum has this tendency to stick his card where it doesn’t belong. While I’m grabbing his pastry and preparing his drink, he will stick it in the slot located at the top of my cash register. At first, I thought it was helpful. The card would be ready for me to swipe when I got back from gathering everything. But over the years, this habit has gotten a little unnerving. Nobody else does it. And nobody looks as smug as Mal-Kum does.

It’s annoying now. Just why? Why. Hand the card over like a normal person man.

In for a Penny, out for a Pound:

Normally, Mal-Kum and I don’t really talk. I usually ask him a generic question about his weekend, he will reply that he is working 12-hour days and that his 4-day weekend is coming up, and then he will leave.
Last week, Mal-Kum strayed from our typical line of conversation.

It was both weird and terrible.

The conversation began normally. I asked him whether he had begun his weekend yet, and he answered with a negative. THEN, he launched into a tirade of how terrible my job must be and how shitty my pay is. He MAN-splained my situation to me …

I mean, both of those are true. BUT, it’s the principle of the matter. The only person that can call this job shitty is me. And my co-workers. And other baristas. Mal-Kum needs to hush it. He’s never worked in customer service, and he has expressed a deep desire to never do so.

Since he knows nothing about customer service, he needs to stop talking as if he does.

He’s told my coworkers that he makes roughly $4,000 on a bi-weekly basis. That’s great for him. But we know we make minimum wage. He doesn’t need to rub it in.

The Review:

Mal-Kum has also written a review of our coffee shop on the internet. Some of us managed to find it and you best believe it was circulated real fast amongst us.

Let me tell you what was in this review. Mal-Kum explained that he had been a long-time customer at our store, had enjoyed the service there, but then experienced something strange.

He claimed that one night, my coworker Bunny and an ex-coworker Wilson had slipped something nefarious into his drink.

I mean, nobody actually did anything. And nobody pretended like they did anything either. So why he made such a hullabaloo about it in-store and online is something we will never understand.

You might say…. it’s inconcievable.

INCONCEIVABLE (from the Princess Bride)

The Instagram Life:

The weirdest part about Mal-Kum is his Instagram page. Now, granted, none of my coworkers follow him on this particular social media site, but we do look at it.

It’s really interesting. And if I could guarantee that Mal-Kum wouldn’t know, I would name drop his instagram SO Y’ALL COULD CHECK IT OUT. But alas, I still need my job.

Anyway, Mal-Kum is the type of person that separates words so that they are their #own #separate #hashtags. He is also the type of person that has his own photographer to follow him around, posts videos of himself brushing his teeth in a rather vigorous manner, and demonstrates a level of weird that is unmatched in the world.

He cuts his own hair every Thursday people. And they’re not good haircuts. He also has a photo of himself scaling a fence to stick his head up and peer over it. And calls this moment one that allows him to #think #outside #the #box.

It’s… uh. It’s definitely a moment.

He has footage of himself flicking open a rather dangerous and large switch-blade out in public, and has sat in our store with the weapon proudly on display. He is as smug about his knife as some Americans are about the Second Amendment. Let me tell you, it is NOT a pretty look.

His rationale? He needs to be prepared. If any day could be your last, then one must be prepared. I guess it makes sense if you think coffee shops are places of immediate danger.  He’s ARMED and he’s dangerous.

man grabs head with two hands - holds temples out of sheer exasperation

Anyway, he recently took a picture of our store and wrote an extensive post that explained why opening a coffee shop is a smart investment (which, I will give him, it is), and why he refuses to follow the business plan that our store follows. In the post, he cites those reasons being the #stupid customers, the shitty pay, and the #retarded baristas. He also calls my job a #shitty #ass #job.

Now, I don’t know about you, but someone calling you retarded? That’s offensive. My coworker Bunny commented on his post, asking him to explain what he meant by the “retarded” hashtag.

He meant the “coffee shop employees, who cause workplace dramas [. Employees] who backsta[b] other employees behind their backs, [and] who purposefully make other employees look bad in order to deflect their own mistakes and to lift themselves up in front other fellow baristas and managers.”

I think Mal-Kum needs to look up the definition of retarded again because he definitely does not have it down.

We’re currently in the process of trying to get him banned from the store.

I will let you know if that ends up ever happening.

Have a great week y’all,


The post Mal-Kum the Dangerous Weirdo appeared first on Beleaguered Barista.

Ohl-gah’s Menu Mishap

Happy Easter y’all.

I’m sorry I’ve stopped posting on Wednesdays. I recently got into a relationship, and Wednesdays are our date days.


Yo ho, it’s the single’s life for me! (In case y’all didn’t catch that… ’twas a riff on a Disney reference. 10 points of Gryffindor if someone can figure out which movie it’s from)

ANYWAYS, today’s post is (hopefully) going to be brief.

While toiling away at a 9 hour shift today, I had a customer come up to me ask me about our cold drinks. I did not get her name, so I have decided that she will be called Ohl-gah

“What cold drinks do you have?” she asked me.

Given that we have a whole feature menu devoted to different types of cold drinks, I told her she could take a quick peek at that and ask me questions if she had any.

“I know, but can you tell me what cold drinks you have?” she says.

Swallowing a deep beleaguered sigh, I give her ALL the options.
“If you’re looking for coffee, we have iced lattes, iced cappuccinos, iced espresso, iced coffee, and cold brew options. If you want tea, we have iced teas and tea lemonades as well. If you are looking for blended options, we also have those.”

“Okay,” she replies. “What type of flavours do you have?”

Note that at this point, a line has formed to the door, and this lady has decided that this the BEST moment for her to go spelunking through our menu.

G R E A T.

Like, I understand wanting to try something new, but if you have NO IDEA what you want to order and are obstructing my ability to service other customers… just WHY.

Squidward smashing his face into the cash register because Patrick is standing in front of him at the Krusty Krab going UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So after I painstakingly spend another few minutes walking her through ALL the syrup / flavouring options (there are at least 17), this woman seems to ponder her options.

“Hmmm,” she muses.

I look at her expectedly, ready to write down her order.

“I’ll just take a hot water, thanks.”

And then. SHE WALKS OFF.

Okay. I get it. If the options I have just given you do not appeal to you, TELL ME. Don’t let me just recite shit like it’s entertainment. I’m not a performer. I’m a barista.

Also. Why would you ask me to go through COLD drink options with you if all you wanted from the get-go was a HOT water. Those are drastically different temperatures lady. They do not sit the same way in your body.

On top of that, you stood there and let me spout information that you knew you did not want or need for at six minutes.

Here are some words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert.

All you have to do y’all, is KNOW your order. If you don’t know, DON’T WALK UP. Take your time, stare at the menu. Ponder an eternity away.

Also, do not make your friendly neighbourhood barista go through the hassle of having to explain the entire menu and then have the audacity to walk away with a free water. Chances are, that barista will hulk out at you.

Just saying.

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