Happy Easter y’all.
I’m sorry I’ve stopped posting on Wednesdays. I recently got into a relationship, and Wednesdays are our date days.
Yo ho, it’s the single’s life for me! (In case y’all didn’t catch that… ’twas a riff on a Disney reference. 10 points of Gryffindor if someone can figure out which movie it’s from)
ANYWAYS, today’s post is (hopefully) going to be brief.
While toiling away at a 9 hour shift today, I had a customer come up to me ask me about our cold drinks. I did not get her name, so I have decided that she will be called Ohl-gah
“What cold drinks do you have?” she asked me.
Given that we have a whole feature menu devoted to different types of cold drinks, I told her she could take a quick peek at that and ask me questions if she had any.
“I know, but can you tell me what cold drinks you have?” she says.
Swallowing a deep beleaguered sigh, I give her ALL the options.
“If you’re looking for coffee, we have iced lattes, iced cappuccinos, iced espresso, iced coffee, and cold brew options. If you want tea, we have iced teas and tea lemonades as well. If you are looking for blended options, we also have those.”
“Okay,” she replies. “What type of flavours do you have?”
Note that at this point, a line has formed to the door, and this lady has decided that this the BEST moment for her to go spelunking through our menu.
G R E A T.
Like, I understand wanting to try something new, but if you have NO IDEA what you want to order and are obstructing my ability to service other customers… just WHY.
So after I painstakingly spend another few minutes walking her through ALL the syrup / flavouring options (there are at least 17), this woman seems to ponder her options.
“Hmmm,” she muses.
I look at her expectedly, ready to write down her order.
“I’ll just take a hot water, thanks.”
And then. SHE WALKS OFF.
Okay. I get it. If the options I have just given you do not appeal to you, TELL ME. Don’t let me just recite shit like it’s entertainment. I’m not a performer. I’m a barista.
Also. Why would you ask me to go through COLD drink options with you if all you wanted from the get-go was a HOT water. Those are drastically different temperatures lady. They do not sit the same way in your body.
On top of that, you stood there and let me spout information that you knew you did not want or need for at six minutes.
Here are some words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert.
All you have to do y’all, is KNOW your order. If you don’t know, DON’T WALK UP. Take your time, stare at the menu. Ponder an eternity away.
Also, do not make your friendly neighbourhood barista go through the hassle of having to explain the entire menu and then have the audacity to walk away with a free water. Chances are, that barista will hulk out at you.