Monthly Archives: October 2017


We’ve all been there, you know, thinking you’re the last person left alive on the planet.
My self-esteem sure took a hit when I stumbled out of the wastelands and onto the city of Sporyn. So maybe the revelation that you’re not alone anymore has been a hard drop for you, especially if you were really riding the high of being Earth’s lone survivor. Trust me,  that euphoric wasteland confidence can still be acquired through other means.
Try joining a cult!
Fostering a sense of community is still important in our civilizationless universe, apparently, and picking the right cult is paramount to enjoying your time till the Earth is finally sucked into the sun. I’ve compiled a pro and con list for the most prominent cults in my neighborhood – hope it helps

  • Nihilists  : Easy to live if you don’t care how you die!
    Relaxed anarchists. Terrible cooks. Nomadic scavengers of the city. 
    Pro: Best bands and craziest parties
    Con: Worst commitment issues
    Pro: Everyone shares anything they can afford
    Con: Strictest dress codes
    Pro: Fewest membership rules: Unlike some pretentious cults, the Nihilists are known for taking in anyone regardless of limb count, life expectancy, what percent of your body is metal, how often you talk about Game of Thrones unprompted, or age. As long as you uphold our nonchalant, secretly afraid of change attitude, you’re welcome in
    Con: Most likely to abduct people in the name of having a good time
    Pro: No real leader, so there’s no one bossing you around
  • Crafter’s : Cult comforts
    Soccer moms of the apocalypse. Hipster cafes sell body parts.
    Pro: Filled with innovative inventors, scrapbooker’s, and small business owners
    Con: Immensely judgmental of other’s outside their cult, will impose any opinion they have on any subject as the final word
    Pro: Mostly likely to fabricate a new economy
    Con: Most likely to fabricate a new economy
    Pro: Tight-knit community, although everyone has to live in the exact same area, and everyone has to stitch the cult sigil into their skin
    Con: If you ask one of them on a date and they reject you, you must immediately fight to the death
    Pro: Will teach children trade skills
  • Grafts : Till there’s no humanity left
    Bionic jerks. Cunning schemers. Fanboys of immortality.
    Pro: Easily the most organized regime; strictest hierarchy and enforced chain of command
    Con: Let’s be honest, pretty much everything about their personalities is a turn-off- a relationship with a can opener would be more emotionally fulfilling
    They blame humans for the destruction of the planet (fair enough) and their glorious solution is surgically altering their bodies to become as un-human as possible; ripping off limbs to replace them with machinery, drinking tap water in hopes it’ll mutate their bodies and allow them to become immortal
    Unfortunatly, they frequently get violent with the rest of us for not joining their cult of metal machoism, and have recently declared themselves city police  – Sporyn’s finest
    Pro: The world could re-end before they get anymore superior ideas
    There are other groups populating this polluted city; The Accountants, the Admin of Tree’s and so forth. You’ll run into them all soon enough.
    I like things how they are, maybe you’ll learn to like it too. 

    ~ Fysh