ANNOUNCMENT:

The Crafter cult took initiative at yesterday’s tumultuous election speech and have brought forward a proposal for deal with the ‘children’ problem.

THE AGE OF ADULTHOOD IS NOW FIVE YEARS OLD.

Rabid murders of children run rampant all over Sporyn; there’s a murder of particularly vicious soccer boys ages ten and under known to burrow underneath restaurants then claw their way up through the floors, robbing cult members taken by surprise; and another tiny group causing massive amounts of mayhem makes friendship bracelets out of the hair of their victims.

At first, as I watched these little kids scaling up decrepit skyscraper walls with their talon-like nails, I thought, more power to them, this apocalyptic age freed up everyone from familial constraints. They were scavenging and stealing just like the rest of us, even if they had no interest in joining any cult at all.
But then, these kids started luring in their victims to their death, through pretending to be sick, or injured, or setting one with eyeballs in cute places to beg for food, and when someone gives in to their whimpering cries, the others attack. (Luring victims, of course, isn’t unheard of, in fact, the Grafts have a monthly meeting where they bet on the best traps to set for your enemies and whoever catches the most on their hit-list wins)

These kids will no longer get a free pass from Sporyn justice. After this election, the age of adulthood is now five years old.
Go get a real job you freeloading soccer creeps.

ANNOUNCMENT:

In an unprecedented event of compromise, an insane war was avoided when Crafter’s, Grafts, and the Nihilists reached a consensus on the need for time in Sporyn.

TIME WILL EXIST AGAIN

Time, of course has been a tricky construct to enforce since the sun rises and sets at random, uncalculable, intervals, with solar storms continuously raging; sometimes burning blisteringly bright for what feels like days, while at other times rising then immediately plunging us back into darkness three times in a row. However, since more and more people are finding themselves assimilated into the Cults of Sporyn, it’s gotten hard to coordinate any sort of meet up larger then four people.

In true Nihilistic fashion, the Nihilists (myself included) predictably did not want any way to measure our lives or anyone else’s. We argued that the inability to tell people when to meet up in massive numbers helped keep the city peaceful, since war cannot be waged without organizing troops based timing, and all conflict can be kept to wholesome one-on-one fights to the death.

The Crafters were all for creating a new way to standardize their lives, as well as everyone else’s. They agreed with us Nihilists for the most part about needing to keep peace, and offered to draw up plans for some for of police force, which thankfully was immediately shut down.

The Grafts could be persuaded either way, but felt time would be beneficial if they wanted to construct some kind of military parade one day.

A compromised was reached – there will be a reliable way to measure time, but you only have to pay attention to it if you want.

Events will be planned based on solar flares!

Since there are always solar storms no matter how long the sun is up for, tell your friends to meet you at when a certain number of solar flares transpire. That way, only the people attached to the plan have to pay attention to the flares, and anyone opposed to time can go on living as normal as possible.

Got a grip? We’ve got an audience.

The apocalypse may have eradicated suburbs, streetlights, waterways, all wheelie chairs, and the concept of Tuesdays, but it did not eviscerate our innate desire to have someone yell about life qualms, while everyone else waits to scream in support of a statement they agree with – This is called Voting.

Oddly enough, this is as non-partisan as the Cults of Sporyn get.
Collective memories of what ‘politics’ were before the great incident of human idiocy (which wiped out a whole tax-bracket of people who considered themselves above death for stringing up sentences like “ethically frugal public-funding”) couldn’t recall much that politics actually helped near the end. Having Cults take out the need for those self-righteous Parties. A distillation of what people actually liked about the whole system turned out to already be a favoured past-time of sentient Sporyn residents; giving speeches about whatever’s going on in their head at any given time.

So we made it a community event.
Sometimes it actually cumulates in something getting changed!
REMEMBER: Topics of this Soapbox screaming time have been already narrowed down by the Crafter’s since those over-organized road kill scrapbookers love micromanaging the rest of us.

—

1. What to do about the excess children.
Since no one has claimed responsibility of the wild, parentless kids running around Sporyn, and their crying and complaining and entitlement to others finding clothes and shelter for them is getting a little distressing, what do you think should be done about it?

2. Pros and Cons of standardized time.
As no more clocks exist, and day and nights never last for predictable intervals anymore, we’ve been going without measurements of time for the last little while and managing it pretty well!
If you want it back, state your case!

3. The Accountants are pissing us off.
(This problem is particularly dear to my heart)
Those stuck-up apocalypse deniers are just gonna keep going off acting like the old world didn’t get destroyed, judging the rest of us with those blank stares and old world shakes of their heads while they pretend to get promoted at their steady corporate jobs?!
Are we really gonna stand for that?

—

If you have any thoughts on any of these issues at all, come to the speech ceremony!
Through anger, you too have the power to incrementally improve the City of Sporyn.