Tag Archives: Apocalypse Daily

Community Calendar: Compare Mutations

WHEN: 13th solar flare, goes util some starts a fist fight

WHERE: Annie’s oil drum

WHAT: Compare mutations.
Is the fact your hair turned into strings of curly metal the coolest? [IT SURE IS]
Think you’re a real hot shot for having that extra toe sticking out of your elbow? [YOU BET]
Are your scales flashier then all the rest of the half-fish mutated people out there? [SHOW IT OFF]

Annie is a Graft member with a documented kill count of twenty-eight people per month. What a cool gal. She’s even fashioned little aviator sunglasses for all her sets of eyes over her body. You’ll never know which set is looking at you. I presume she’s set up this Community event because she thinks it’s a competition she’s already won, but it’ll still be fun to go out for some lighthearted judgment as you, your neighbours, friends and enemies all critique each other’s entire bodies!
This will be a Graft heavy event, as the only way to enter the cult it to look as far from that one Sears advertisement of a modern man; with their bodies all soaked in radioactive sewer residue, they have enough insane mutations for all of us.

The pink scales I’ve got covering up half of my face may pale in comparison tomorrow, but it’s still heartening to remember none of us would be acceptable humans if the apocalypse hadn’t ensued.


Community Calendar: dinner or death

WHEN: Fifth solar flare

WHERE: That really weirdly shaped rock – you know the one

WHAT: Dinner or Death?
Will those dandelions flashing like neon yellow strobe lights melt your eyeballs or taste fantastic on a light summer salad? Does that tree bark just appear to be infused with uranium or shall it turn out to make a great late night snack?
If these are the kinds of questions that keep you up at night as you chew the marrow out of a rat bone, this is an event for you!

Join Sandra as she wins the ‘Greater Good’ award, snatching up vegetation to test if it’s edible for the rest of us.
Sandra is an esteemed member of the Crafter Cult, who allegedly lived with a PHD in horticulture before the apocalypse, endlessly hindered by the formality of science protocol from eating the plants in her lab, which was always her one true desire.

Election Results: time for time


In an unprecedented event of compromise, an insane war was avoided when Crafter’s, Grafts, and the Nihilists reached a consensus on the need for time in Sporyn.


Time, of course has been a tricky construct to enforce since the sun rises and sets at random, uncalculable, intervals, with solar storms continuously raging; sometimes burning blisteringly bright for what feels like days, while at other times rising then immediately plunging us back into darkness three times in a row. However, since more and more people are finding themselves assimilated into the Cults of Sporyn, it’s gotten hard to coordinate any sort of meet up larger then four people.

In true Nihilistic fashion, the Nihilists (myself included) predictably did not want any way to measure our lives or anyone else’s. We argued that the inability to tell people when to meet up in massive numbers helped keep the city peaceful, since war cannot be waged without organizing troops based timing, and all conflict can be kept to wholesome one-on-one fights to the death.

The Crafters were all for creating a new way to standardize their lives, as well as everyone else’s. They agreed with us Nihilists for the most part about needing to keep peace, and offered to draw up plans for some for of police force, which thankfully was immediately shut down.

The Grafts could be persuaded either way, but felt time would be beneficial if they wanted to construct some kind of military parade one day.

A compromised was reached – there will be a reliable way to measure time, but you only have to pay attention to it if you want.

Events will be planned based on solar flares!

Since there are always solar storms no matter how long the sun is up for, tell your friends to meet you at when a certain number of solar flares transpire. That way, only the people attached to the plan have to pay attention to the flares, and anyone opposed to time can go on living as normal as possible.

Professional Complaining – AKA election time

Got a grip? We’ve got an audience.

The apocalypse may have eradicated suburbs, streetlights, waterways, all wheelie chairs, and the concept of Tuesdays, but it did not eviscerate our innate desire to have someone yell about life qualms, while everyone else waits to scream in support of a statement they agree with – This is called Voting.

Oddly enough, this is as non-partisan as the Cults of Sporyn get.
Collective memories of what ‘politics’ were before the great incident of human idiocy (which wiped out a whole tax-bracket of people who considered themselves above death for stringing up sentences like “ethically frugal public-funding”) couldn’t recall much that politics actually helped near the end. Having Cults take out the need for those self-righteous Parties. A distillation of what people actually liked about the whole system turned out to already be a favoured past-time of sentient Sporyn residents; giving speeches about whatever’s going on in their head at any given time.

So we made it a community event.
Sometimes it actually cumulates in something getting changed!
REMEMBER: Topics of this Soapbox screaming time have been already narrowed down by the Crafter’s since those over-organized road kill scrapbookers love micromanaging the rest of us.

1. What to do about the excess children.
Since no one has claimed responsibility of the wild, parentless kids running around Sporyn, and their crying and complaining and entitlement to others finding clothes and shelter for them is getting a little distressing, what do you think should be done about it?

2. Pros and Cons of standardized time.
As no more clocks exist, and day and nights never last for predictable intervals anymore, we’ve been going without measurements of time for the last little while and managing it pretty well!
If you want it back, state your case!

3. The Accountants are pissing us off.
(This problem is particularly dear to my heart)
Those stuck-up apocalypse deniers are just gonna keep going off acting like the old world didn’t get destroyed, judging the rest of us with those blank stares and old world shakes of their heads while they pretend to get promoted at their steady corporate jobs?!
Are we really gonna stand for that?

If you have any thoughts on any of these issues at all, come to the speech ceremony!
Through anger, you too have the power to incrementally improve the City of Sporyn.

Literacy – should we bring it back?

I’m gonna be real with you guys, I was not the smartest kid in school.
I still have a slice of my Hippocampus intact in my skull, so I remember the days where things like GPA determined self-worth and it was a hotly debated topic in pop culture whether ‘smart girls’ were sexy. (For anyone confused here – it use to be attractive to have exactly two eyes and one mouth on the lower third of the face. Noses were also considered necessary. I know, right? So constricting)
Anyhow, the apocalypse really freed me from that academic insecurity.

But now, The Crafters want to start a newspaper.

I assume by this point they’ve entered the fifty-third round of self-congratulation for this monumentous idea. They probably thought it up while knitting vintage shawls out of dried eel skin from the eels caught in those ditches outside Rat Teeth Cafe.
Their reasoning is that randomly announcing different intentions when crowds around you get large enough isn’t the most efficient way of getting information out there. So I do understand a bit where they’re coming from, there’s more and more people finding the city of Sporyn everyday, but, do we really need to start a newspaper?
Are we going to re-teach people how to read?
What are we gonna make the paper out of?
Do I even need to know what’s going on the community? Are we just re-enabling stalking?

If you’ve got any thoughts about newspaper, news, or paper, leave a comment below