The Crafter cult took initiative at yesterday’s tumultuous election speech and have brought forward a proposal for deal with the ‘children’ problem.
THE AGE OF ADULTHOOD IS NOW FIVE YEARS OLD.
Rabid murders of children run rampant all over Sporyn; there’s a murder of particularly vicious soccer boys ages ten and under known to burrow underneath restaurants then claw their way up through the floors, robbing cult members taken by surprise; and another tiny group causing massive amounts of mayhem makes friendship bracelets out of the hair of their victims.
At first, as I watched these little kids scaling up decrepit skyscraper walls with their talon-like nails, I thought, more power to them, this apocalyptic age freed up everyone from familial constraints. They were scavenging and stealing just like the rest of us, even if they had no interest in joining any cult at all.
But then, these kids started luring in their victims to their death, through pretending to be sick, or injured, or setting one with eyeballs in cute places to beg for food, and when someone gives in to their whimpering cries, the others attack. (Luring victims, of course, isn’t unheard of, in fact, the Grafts have a monthly meeting where they bet on the best traps to set for your enemies and whoever catches the most on their hit-list wins)
These kids will no longer get a free pass from Sporyn justice. After this election, the age of adulthood is now five years old.
Go get a real job you freeloading soccer creeps.