I feel like I’m always looking for something to satisfy me, whether it’s in friendships, relationships, success, or those three themselves. Sometimes it seems as though they are never enough though.
It can be a painful feeling, trying to make what is intangible be tangible, or of not being able to grasp a solid answer to questions I have about life. Ultimately, everyone is searching for something that would fill that void in their lives, that would make their identities be whole, or that would give them a sense of purpose in this world and while some people give up and think they will never find it, others become complacent with what they find. I don’t think we know exactly what we’re looking for either. We pretend we know what it is, but we don’t. If we are all finding ways to be happy, how come we’re still not happy? How come we’re not satisfied?
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that we were made for another world.” – C.S. Lewis
In a technologically advanced world, it has become the norm to for our eyes to be glued down to our mobile screens wherever we go: whether it be on the bus, on the street or in class. Consequently, it has undeniably caused us to be less aware of our surroundings and the people around us. It’s much easier now with easily accessible technological devices and social media platforms to engage and interact with “strangers” because we no longer need to carry the same feeling that may come with rejection or awkwardness in-person.
The difficulty of speaking to a stranger in public mainly comes from unknown motives; I’ve been approach by many strangers who tried to sell me a product, ask for cash, or for using me as an ear. I’ve almost been accustomed to creating a social barrier between me and the people around me when I am on the street alone because of unknown intentions and out of fear of being taken advantage of.
A stranger to me is someone who I don’t know personally and if I was asked, I would not be able to describe their personality or interests to someone else. I consider a person known when I have had at least one engaging conversation with them to really get to know who they are aside from recognizing a familiar face. Being a shy and reserved individual, once I get to know someone on a deeper and more personal level, I find it easier to approach them and feel more inclined to speak with them again, thus passing the notion of just being “strangers”.
It has been a rainy week here in Vancouver. Which is completely normal for us. And honestly, I don’t mind rain. Rain is just water. A little water never hurt anyone. Living here, you basically have to get used to it.
I am starting to get to the point where I’m struggling to think of new things to write about. After looking back at my posts, I realized I haven’t done as much reflecting as perhaps I would have liked to do. So hence this blog post. I have been feeling very meh lately. And I don’t think I can entirely blame it on the rainy weather. It’s crazy to think that this is the 2nd to last week of classes. That means that there is only 3 weeks until I am done being a University student forever. I don’t know exactly how to feel about that. On the one hand, I can’t even describe how much I am looking forward to not having constant homework 24/7. The great thing about work is that once you’re done, you’re done (for the most part anyways – it depends on the job). But on the other hand, it’s now time for me to join the real world and that is a scary thought. I’ve never not been a student and I can no longer say that I am anymore… I’m just, what? An adult?
I don’t have an exact career path in mind and this also kind of scares me. Right now, I am leaning towards wanting to do corporate communications. Or something like that anyways. But it is SO hard to get into that area. The competition is insane and companies will always choose someone who has experience over someone who doesn’t. I am fully preparing to be trying for a really long time before I get a job opportunity. I’m also trying to be open to possible different careers if something comes along that isn’t what I first think of. After all, anything is experience and at this point, I don’t really know what I like or don’t like.
I suppose this post is more me revealing my insecurities regarding the future. I am trying to remind myself that the way I am feeling is completely normal. I do currently have a job (retail) which I don’t totally hate so I suppose that’s good… I’m planning on keeping that and investing my newly-freed time into job hunting when school is done. The future is so unpredictable and it’s useless to try to plan it out too much anyways. For now, I’ll just try to remain optimistic and open-minded and see what comes along.