Generally, I’m not a massive fan of Valentine’s day, but this year I decided to do things a little differently.
In years past I’ve spent my single Valentine’s days lonely and envious of those with people to spend the day with. I also went through a phase of referring to the pseudo -holiday as a “capitalist driven scam meant to trick people into spending money on fake evidence of their ‘love'”. I went through a cynical phase, can you tell?
Lately though, I’ve started to see that Valentine’s day is, in fact a day of celebrating love. whether its celebrating the love in a relationship, or celebrating self love.
Even though I’m spending this Valentine’s day in my pjs watching rom-coms, I decided to do a pretty-in-pink look to celebrate the holiday!
For my base, my face, my eyebrows, and my mascara, I used pretty much all the same products as in my Casual Christmas Look.
Except the highlighter, In this look I used the PHYSICIANS FORMULA Butter Highlighter in Pearl and I am 100% obsessed with it.
To achieve this pretty pink look I used the ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS Modern Renaissance Eye Shadow Palette
I started by fluffing Buon Fresco into my crease with a fluffy brush, followed by a slight dusting of Love Letter lower in the crease and slightly onto my lid. I took a second to blend those two together, and then I placed Venetian Red on my outer corner with a tapered brush. I blended this slightly into the outer part of the crease, but I kept it mostly focused on the outer corner of the eye. After getting all of my mattes placed, I used the URBAN DECAY Al Nighter Long-Lasting Makeup Setting Spray to foil Vermeer , and I placed that on the inner two thirds of my lid, blending the edges slightly. To finish off the look, I used a thin angled brush to create a winged eyeliner effect with Cyprus Umber.
On my lips I’m wearing the HUDA BEAUTY Liquid Matte Lipstick in Crush
I love this formula and I absolutely love this colour, Its a good everyday colour. If I were to do this look again though, I’d use a lip colour thats a little less peachy, and a little more pink.
If you want to see me doing this look, check out my video on Instagram! @jordananne76
Some Tips For Loving Yourself This Valentine’s Day:
When you’re single, Valentine’s day can be a day filled with sadness and jealousy, when it should be a day filled with celebrating self love. So here are a few tips for how you can show yourself a little self love this Valentine’s day.
Take Yourself Out-
If you don’t want to spend this Valentine’s day on your couch, then don’t be afraid to ask yourself on a date!Personally, I love going to movies alone, and I love sitting on a coffee shop patio drinking a SOLO espresso. So I can throughly recommend putting on your favourite outfit, taking yourself out to your favourite place, and savouring the simplicity, and the silence, of doing something you love, alone. There is no one else to contend with, and nobody else to wait for, everything is on your time line. Doing things alone also provides much needed time with yourself to nurture the most important relationship in your life.
Treat Yourself To a Little Luxury –
I don’t always make time for the more luxurious things in life, but when you’re nurturing self love, treating yourself is especially important. whether its doing your nails, or getting your hair done, a little luxury can go a long way. A couple specific luxurious things I can recommend for this valentines day are actually things I’ve already mentioned in a couple of my Self Care Sunday posts. Have a bath, or do a face mask. Around Valentine’s day, LUSH comes out with a Unicorn Horn bubble bar and I love nothing more than sliding into a steaming hot bubble bath surrounded by this sparkling scent. I also love getting out of the bath glittery and smelling good. The face mask I’d recommend for this day of luxury are really any of the LUSH Jelly Face Masks specifically, FOMO or Bunny Moon. I love these masks for a little more luxury, because they’re thick and creamy, and I love that I have to mush them up in my hands before I can put them on my face. I also notice immediate results every time I use these masks, and that always makes me feel good.
Luxury is anything that makes you feel luxurious, so really just do something you love, that makes you feel good.
Spend Sometime Loving Yourself-
I know a lot of this has been about self love and loving yourself through actions, but today, there should be time for some mindful self love. Look in the mirror and pick out every single thing you love about yourself, or focus on all the things you love while you meditate, whatever being mindful means to you really. No matter what you do, it is important to make time to be mindful in your self love, because it really forces you to sit with it, feel it, and internalize it.
Even If you’re alone this valentines day, take some time to love yourself. Because In the words of my hero RuPaul,
“If you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else”
Amen to that.
A few months ago, I was wracked with a horrible feeling: was I a bad person? On a couple of occasions, if I found myself disinterested in a dating situation, I would just kind of… stop talking to the person. It’s not to say I would ignore them, but I wouldn’t necessarily go out of my way to continue the communication.
So, I did what any young millenial would do (if they were like me and morbidly curious about other people’s lives and also trying to write a blog about what it’s like to date in 2017): I surveyed my Facebook friends about ghosting. Who had ghosted? Who had been ghosted? What did they think about the phenomenon?
I got a lot of cool answers, which I will hopefully dedicate time to in another post, but out of the 25 or so people who responded, it was a pretty even split between ghosters and ghostees, with most people who responded acknowledging that they had done both. It didn’t seem to me that ghosting was seen as too much of a big deal to most people, however, it seems that almost everyone has a ghosting story. I’ve narrowed it down to three main forms of ghostage, and they are as follows:
Type 1: The Fade Away
Perhaps the gentlest of ghosts, although arguably the most confusing, the fadeaway is brought about by slowly diminishing replies to messages and offers to hang out. Phone calls are out. The “fadee” will receive the occasional reply to text messages, usually after 24 hours, and often with short, non-committal answers. Eventually, the answers will stop, however, the fadee has already been trained to not expect anything, and so, is no longer disappointed.
*Garfunkel and Oates are goddesses and definitely say it best, so I would check their song, about The Fade Away, which says it best.
Type 2: Breadcrumbing
One time, I was talking to a friend of mine about how things were going with a guy I was seeing. I explained things were good, he’d send a sweet message checking in every once in a while, but wouldn’t engage much, or pursue any plans to hang out. “He’s probably just busy” we agreed. A few minutes later, we were discussing how I had to explain what breadcrumbing was to another friend of ours. Realization and horror washed over both of our faces at the same time. I WAS BEING BREADCRUMBED. Ouch.
Cosmo argues that breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting. I disagree. However, there does seem to be a degree of premeditation with regard to breadcrumbing that there may not be with ghosting (one can often chalk a ghosting up to absentmindedness, or a busy schedule). The real kicker behind breadcrumbing is the MO- which is that they want to keep that person around in case they get bored/want to get laid at a future date. So you’re good enough to keep around, but just as a back up. That must feel good, right?
Type 3: The Full-Out Ghost
This one needs little explanation, because the ghoster offers no explanation. Poof. They gone. Outta there. They don’t call, don’t write, don’t explain themselves.
One thing that does deserve a bit of explanation is why people choose to ghost. In some cases, they are dumbos who are afraid of any kind of difficult conversation and can’t face potentially disappointing someone, even if it isn’t in person. OR. The ghoster may be reacting to something traumatic or upsetting that happened on a date or during a conversation. While I would argue it’s better practice to explain to someone what they did wrong, in case they had assumed it was a-okay or at least passably okay, and give them a chance to improve their behaviour on future occasions, sometimes things are just too intense/upsetting/scary/etc. for people to face. And so they ghost. So, before you get pissed that someone had the nerve to ghost you, perhaps consider how your behaviour may have led to the ghosting. They may have been a scaredy-cat jerk, or they may have been genuinely fearful of you.
- I would argue that it does not count as ghosting if you have never met the person before, and they just, like, stop responding to you on Tinder. You are boring, or they are busy, no one owes anyone anything. I would say at least one date would have to have been planned or taken place in order for it to count as a ghost.
- Don’t take it personally! Look over things and your behaviour, run the sitch over with your best friend or a customer at the coffee shop you work at (just kidding- maybe?) and if you’ve determined nothing fishy has transpired on your end- MOVE ON. It sucks, but it’s probably not about you. This person has some issues with communication and can’t get on your level, so find someone who can!
- Everyone does it. If you’re a ghoster, cut yourself a little slack. I wouldn’t make it a habit, but I definitely wouldn’t beat yourself up about it too much. Chances are the person you’re ghosting has also ghosted someone else.
- Communication is cool. Try it sometime.
People don’t change. Especially lately, I’ve been particularly convinced of this as a fact. Fundamentally, I think, we end up the same as we started. The cool part, though, are all the twists, turns, heartaches, triumphs that help us to grow into more defined versions of ourselves.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. To some people, it might seem like a bit of a trap. To be confined to one specific identity is a terrifying idea. I agree with that. I think we can express as many identities as we could ever want. But because we made them, that is who we are. Without getting too philosophical, or introspective, that’s what I’ve been thinking about.
This year I went through a bit of an identity crisis. A lot of things in my life shifted and I was able to express myself in a lot of ways that I never had before. I felt like I was finally myself, without layers of insecurity and anxiety keeping me from full freedom of expression. It felt really good. But those parts of me were still there, just taking a bit of a backseat, while I learned to fall in love with those parts of myself that I had tucked away for a little while.
I’m not sure where I’m trying to go with this. I guess I just feel like I’ve felt the entire rainbow of human emotion over the last 365 days, and though I’ve learned a lot, I think I’m still the same.
I felt pain like I’ve never felt before. That ripping, excruciating, physical pain of heartbreak that I had read about was real. You’d think a pain like that would change you, but I really don’t think it did.
Am I stronger? Not yet, I don’t think. Because I can still feel the scar throbbing, still feel the panic that there might be more pain, lurking around the corner. It disturbs me that I can’t trust the way I used to. But I think trust is a learned behaviour. It’s not ingrained in us. Not the way that love is.
So that’s how I’m seeing it. I am not weak, but I feel weak. I am not broken, but I feel broken. I am still the bubbly, exciting girl I met within myself this summer. I am still the anxious, shy woman who can’t quite figure out how to convince herself she is worth people’s time. I am still the empathetic person who believes the best in everyone. I can still love with the full force of my being, despite the fact that I’ve been hurt.
That’s who I am, I guess. Not just that, of course. But that’s the general idea.
I spent a lot of time chastising myself for feeling the wrong way.
“This is ridiculous, you’re overreacting.”
“You said, it was okay, so you really have no reason to be upset.”
“You’re not getting anything done feeling this way, grow up and act like a fucking adult.”
The voices in my head are not very kind. I imagine, it’s that way for a scary number of people. Lately, I’ve been really trying to grin through some tough times and be okay. And sometimes, I am. I can laugh and enjoy being around people and feel good about myself, but that doesn’t last, and when those feelings drop into self-loathing, insecurity, depression and anxiety, I have a lot of trouble being kind to myself for switching off. If I was fine yesterday, I should be fine today.
I think I’m starting to come to terms about how unrealistic that is. I put on a brave face while talking myself down all the time, but I’m starting to think that’s not so healthy.Well, I know it’s not healthy, but I think I might try doing something about it.
I also feel guilty, because this blog has had a lot of negativity to it lately, and I feel like that gives off the wrong impression of who I am, or that I’m looking for attention or people to check on me. I put my feelings out there because I know I can connect with other people. Having something resonate to someone in a deep way is a huge deal for me. And if it’s negative? I must continue to tell myself “so what?”, hard though it may be to hear. I’m in a bad place, maybe other people who are also in a bad place can find comfort in that. I don’t know. I don’t pretend to anymore.
It’s hard this time of year because there’s a lot to be done. School, work, Christmas, but I think acknowledging my pain, and almost embracing it, might be the only way to get through it all.
I’m not okay, so I guess maybe I’ll stop saying I am.
Okay. I am sad. But I have a lot of great things and people in my life. A short list of bright patches on this yucky day:
- Friends who are there for you at 3 in the morning and buy you breakfast the next day.
- Friends who let you bother them at work and cry on their shoulder.
- Friends who offer to carry your groceries for you cause your hand is a mess.
- Friends you didn’t know were your friends until you spend time with them.
- Friends who get it, and get you.
- Friends who invite you for much needed trips.
- Friends who text you in seconds flat after seeing your whiny blog post.
Basically I’m #blessed to have so many kickass friends in this world. You’re the reason why I’m here. Love you.
I’m feeling very stuck. Usually when I’m sad, or down, I’ve been able to put pen to paper, so to speak, and write my feelings away. Every time I sit down to write, though, I seem to draw up a blank. Or I write pages and pages of nonsense that won’t serve anyone to read. Therapeutic for me to get out, perhaps, but I think it might have people far too concerned for my sanity than they need to be.
So here I sit, thinking about all the things I would say if I could, what I would talk about. I’d talk about how I’m not very happy right now. I’m feeling stuck in my writing, but I think it’s because I’m stuck in my life. I feel like at this moment there is no room for any forward motion for me right now, and that is not a state that I enjoy being in. I’m a planner, I like to work toward goals, have plans of action, have dreams. I feel like those have come to a halt for the moment and my body, my brain, which are conditioned to be moving forward have stopped like feet in freshly poured cement.
There’s an end to some of this, there has to be or I would entirely lose my mind. I’ve figured out what I have the power to change and have taken action to change them. That just needs time. A few months and that part of my life will be moving again.
Some parts won’t though. Some parts will probably be up in the air for a very long time. I’m not sure how long I can manage to make that work without cracking. Most of the time it seems beyond worth it. What’s a matter of a couple of years in the grand scheme of life? Won’t I look back on this time and remember how silly and small I felt, and be so glad that I waited? But another part of me, the part that wins over on sad grey days like this one, make me think that there may never be a conclusion. I don’t know how to deal with this but I do know that it’s far too soon to make any kind of decision yet, so here I sit, my brain a flurry of strange and scary and exciting and wonderful thoughts, and nothing to channel this energy into.
There’s no right answer. I get a lot of disapproving stares and words of concern. I get support and knowing nods. But they don’t know. They aren’t there for every whispered secret, every slow dance, every small act of kindness. They don’t see how nobody else has ever known me so well.
I just want to fly above my life for a little bit. It’s too much for me right now.
With that, she walked into the rain.
She didn’t look back.
That was the last time anyone saw her.
The town was full of rumours after her disappearance – as if they could make sense of what had happened that horrid night.
Some believed she was abducted by aliens.
Other’s thought she ran away to join the circus.
Yet, they weren’t even close to the truth.
The truth was much darker than any of the simple-minded townsfolk could ever come up with.
To this day, her scarred face was imprinted in my brain, as she looked at me with pity and despair.
I only wished the spirits were taking care of her, of the girl I loved.
This story was shared by one of my barista friend. I rewrote it in my way.
I was working on that day. During my break, I received his message saying that he was going to drop by later. My heart started to race up. I told my colleagues that instead of serving customers, I would prefer to stay in kitchen. I did not know how to treat him as an ordinary customer.
I forced myself to focus on cleaning dishes or on preparing foods but I could not focus. My eyes were waiting for his smile. My ears were waiting for his voices. I was sure that each of my cell in my body was waiting for his arrival.
As soon as I saw him entered the cafe, I started to blush.
Without saying anything, he just nodded to me and sat at the bar straightly.
My colleague turned to me. I could see a lot of question marks in their eyes.
“He is my friend. He is here waiting for me to have dinner later.” I explained.
My colleagues grinned at me. Obviously, this answer did not satisfy them. I knew that they would definitely ask me more about this guy next time. The life in a cafe was too peaceful. We were eager for gossips, stories, dramas and more.
But what can I tell them? He truly is a friend. A “friend”. A friend I should not fall in love with.
When we were having dinner, he asked me: “how did you introduce me to your colleague?”
“A friend. ” I said. “What else can I say?”
“To be honest, I did not know how to introduce you. I did know what we are. Our relationship is special for me.” He said.
Yes, I understand. We are friends but we had sex. We are friends with benefits but we involved feelings. We are not in a relationship but we sometimes cook together, have dinner together, go grocery shopping together or watch movie together.
We blurred the line. We erased the label. We ignored the abnormality.
“Just say friend.” I replied. “I appreciated the one who invented the word friend. It could cover a lot. If you don’t want to explain, you could just say that s/he is a friend.”
Then we fell in silence.
Surprisingly, our “friendship” still lasts till now. We do not know if this is right or wrong and we do not want to think about where we are going in the future. Perhaps, we would end up with not talking anymore with each other like other couples, but I will always remember the day he visited me at the cafe. I will always remember that we were once happy together.
I’ve had this countdown on the front page of my blog for the past few weeks, counting down to Valentine’s Day, or as I sometimes call it, “Single’s awareness day”. Despite some bitterness over this title, I usually really enjoy valentine’s day. I like dressing up for it, looking cute, knowing that today more than others people are thinking about their significant other and maybe doing something special for them. This Valentine’s day however, was my first one in three years without a valentine.
I can remember my last three valentine’s exactly. Last year I was on Mt. Washington in Nanaimo with my then boyfriend, Elliott. He bought me snowboarding lessons for Valentine’s day and we had an overall pretty great time hanging out with him and his friends.
The year before I had just started seeing Nate, a guy I had classes with at Langara, and we were at my place hanging out and also doing edibles for the first time. Hella romantic.
The year prior was my first ever year with a Valentine- I was at my first boyfriend Keenan’s house and he made us dinner and then chocolate fondue. Super cheesy, and a very new type of Valentine’s day for me. Some shit went down that night that almost ended our relationship, but we worked it out and were together for almost a year, my longest relationship to date.
All three of my past relationships have started roughly around the same time. New year, new person to date. This year being the exception, I was a little mopey over the fact, although not as much as I would normally be considering I have a lot more going on right now in my life and it’s working as a pretty good distraction for the time being. Never the less, I made an angsty post on my Tumblr account.
I ended up making plans for the day with one of my best friends, Desiree. We hadn’t hung out in a little while and she didn’t have plans. So I headed over there around 4pm. She lives a few minutes away from Commercial Drive, one of my favourite neighbourhoods, and I listened to music as I turned right at the JJ Bean and headed up the hill to her house. On the front porch I knocked on the door as well as texted her, since she shares the house with several other people. Peering through the window, I saw something on the floor. The following ensued:
She had made me dinner and essentially covered the whole place in rose petals. Never in my life have I been so seduced, and here it is, plain as day, by my best friend. We ended up doing facemasks and watching this terrible 90s romcom called “The Wedding Date” which is a movie about a woman who hires a male escort to come with her to her sister’s wedding to make her ex-fiancee jealous. 10% on rotten tomatoes, but it was worth every second to me.
Desiree had seen my Tumblr post and decided to make the day go above and beyond for me. Just another example of how friends are the best thing in the world, and sometimes guys aren’t worth shit if you’ve got someone who will cook you steak and buy you piles of Nutella-To-Go for you to snack on. I love my friends and it definitely makes this whole “not in a relationship” thing worth it sometimes.