So I would like to start off saying that these last couple weeks have been hard for me to sit down and start writing again. I am not sure why I have felt like there has been less motivation for me and I have been finding more time for the gym or activities out in …
I have always had a tremendous passion for photography. I love the ability to capture a memory, story or experience and share it with others. However, like any other form of art, I developed a great interest for the process. I began to put more and more effort into how I captured my work in order to create a more powerful story. This is how I developed my passion for long exposure photography. If you do not already know, long exposure photography is when you use longer shutter speeds on a camera to capture more vivid colour ranges as well as motion in photographs.
Whenever I would travel to a new place or see a beautiful or stunning sight, I would always try to capture it in a photograph to be able to share it with others and create memories for myself. I always felt that the photograph wasn’t doing it justice, that I wasn’t able to capture enough in just this one still image. Shooting long exposures allows me to capture so much more, whether it’s the movement of the clouds, water, people or cars, I find that I am contributing more to the story I have created.
I also sometimes find myself clicking away without truly experiencing my surrounding and end up living my life through my camera lens just so I can get "the perfect shot”. Giving more importance to the process has allowed me to be more mindful and better appreciate the places I am lucky enough to be able to experience and capture through my photography.
Recently I have been feeling not that focused on things I would like to accomplish. Whenever I write down goals for myself to complete, I strive for those things until they are achieved. I guess you could say that it just gives me more purpose and direction! For these reasons, I’ve decided to start my …
Infatuation is a dangerous game,
an emotional Russian roulette;
It’s walking on a tightrope,
the knots rough under your bare feet;
the air heavy.
Perfect balance is a must
you’ll plummet to more disastrous
Song: Life – JON VINYL
I’m in university you may or may not know this and I just finished my first year, I am taking some courses this summer semester as well. For the longest time EVER I have wanted to be a teacher, if you’ve read my About on this site you may already know this. I have spent almost my entire life making decisions to progress my competency in the classroom, volunteering anytime I could in programs that let me work with children and special education students, reading any resources I could about curriculum, any opportunity to better myself as a future educator I took on. One of the scariest things I am working through right now is my career path. I’ve had this shift in I guess you could say interest, fervor maybe, in my passions and honestly it scares the crap out of me. I have been avoiding the itch for quite a while; I’ve skirted around it for as long as I could, hoping that it would pass, a part of me still hopes that it will. Recently, I don’t know what the heck it is, there have just been sooo many things coming up that are pushing me to address this itch and it honestly is so so scary. This shift started manifesting I’d say in the class this blog was birthed in (S/O to PUB 101). The class was so personal, and it was so much about myself, my interests, it made me reflect a lot about who I was and what I wanted.
The things I learned about myself as a result of the course, they scared me, not because of anything harmful, just that they were soo far from what I planned for myself; so not what I had spent my life building towards. Towards the end of the semester I had this sinking feeling that I have not addressed till kind of right now, If I’m being completely honest even now I’m only somewhat confronting it. Second year is not the worst time to have second thoughts, I understand that it could be way worse, but it’s like I said, this is all I’ve ever seen for myself, moving into anything outside of education is terrifying for me. Jade and Education have always made sense to me. Who is Jade without Education? I’m having a bit of an identity crisis. It is so so freaking scary to leave everything you’ve ever established for yourself for something that is so uncertain; I’m starting to realize though that it is also terrifying to not, as well. Is security worth sacrificing happiness for? If it wasn’t my life, the answer would be really easy; no, doing what fulfills you is worth the uncertainty; I would say this if a friend came to me with this situation. It is so much harder, this situation, because this is about me. The responsibility, follow-through and the repercussions are on me. I’m in a pickle, a really really uncomfortable one. It’s not even that I know what I want to do, I honestly don’t, I just know that it’s not teaching. I have so much to figure out, I think addressing the itch is a good step for me. Yes I am anxious (painfully so), everything scares me, I’ve cried and I probably will again in the future, but honestly I would not have it any other way. I’m glad and lucky to have found something that I see enough in to be scared by.